Going on Tour

When I lived in Toronto, I was really excited to read that Kid Rock was going on tour, and that he was actually going to be in Toronto! I got tickets, and went to the show. It was a while back, and he was playing in a really large bar-type venue and there were no seats – we all had to watch the show standing up.

We were so far back in line, I thought there was no hope of me even getting a glimpse of him….I am only 5-foot-2, which means I can only see over the heads of a small select group of people…..those under age 10.

As it turns out, I am not taller than the crowd that attends Kid Rock concerts, but I am smarter. Everyone was crowded around the stage area immediately inside the entrance, and the crowd was about 40 people deep away from the stage. I walked to the *other* side of stage, and it was wide open. I got to stand right up against the stage, although there were several times during the concert when blond, braless ladies elbowed me out of the way to flash Kid Rock their newly purchased frontal accessories.

Now that I love in P-A, going on tour has a slightly different connotation.

When in a campground drinking, going on tour means you walk to all of the camp sites and introduce yourself to complete strangers, see who you know that they know, and toast to whatever strikes your fancy. I went on tour in a campground a few summers ago in P-A, and met some great people, none of whom I remembered the next morning.

There was *almost* a flood in P-A in April, just a few weeks ago. Roads were blocked off, ice and water flowing where we should be driving. On Thursday evening of Easter week-end, I had to drive an extra 45 minutes to get home, across bumpy roads, some with ice just off to the edge of my tires. I sure went on tour that day, … instead of taking me 45 minutes to get back home from work, it took me twice as long. I am really not complaining, because I got to go on tour. And that’s a good thing, right?

Easter week-end, we couldn’t leave Tobique Narrows to get to town, without going on tour. So, we decided to go on tour to see what we could see. Greg, always the metal detecting enthusiast, decided to temporarily halt the tour near where an ice jam was located the previous day, so he could see if any treasures were brought downstream with the ice. He could only dig about an inch down before he hit frozen ground. I have a picture of him digging about 3 feet from an iceburg the size of my Ford Focus. It’s not surprising he didn’t find any treasures.

 

That week-end was the first of week-end of us going on tour. Sometimes we go on tour to see stuff, and sometimes we are driving across the countryside aimlessly looking for adventure. Sometimes when we are on tour, we stop at people’s house for a surprise visit. People do that here in P-A. Back in Toronto, I didn’t stop at a friend’s house unless we had an appointment. Here, people will let you in their house while they are still in their jammies with their hair sticking straight up in the air.

So far when I have been on tour this season, we’ve seen numerous deer, flooded roads, a log jam, iceburgs and docks in the river, a farm show with big orange machines which are used for goodness knows what, and a house on fire. I think I need a break from all this touring…it’s really quite exhausting! The only way I am going to be up for going on tour again this season is if Kid Rock calls and wants me to tag along with him.   

Go Ahead, Make My Day

One of my favorite lines in a movie is when Clint squints his eyes as only Clint can do, and says "Go ahead, make my day". What a threat. And you know, deep inside your gut, that Clint will do just about anything, including shooting the bad guy dead. And Clint would have absolutely no regrets. In fact, he just might enjoy it.

Clint

As with most people, I have been in many situations where I have been (or felt), threatened, either openly or subtlety.

It all started for me when I used to go to my Grammie's house when I was little. My Mum made it quite clear the expected behaviour at Grammie's: do not ASK for anything, and do not take anything. Generally speaking, those are good rules to follow when visiting someone's home. However, like all little kids, listening to the rules and following the rules, somehow didn't quite connect.

I would sit at Grammie's and think...I want to ASK to go to the bathroom. But I'm not supposed to ASK for anything. But if I don't ASK to go to the bathroom, then I might pee my pants. Which would make Mum more upset, me ASKING to go to the bathroom, or me peeing my pants? I decided I had best not take any chances, so I did NOT ASK to go pee. I never set foot in Grammie's bathroom, EVER! I now have a bladder of steel, by the way. Do you know WHY I never asked to go to the bathroom? Because somehow, my Mum was like Clint: she could make a threat you just knew she would carry out if you did the wrong thing. There was no way I was gonna make my Mum's day!

My little brother Anthony and I really liked jumping on my parents' bed when we were little. We couldn't jump on our own beds, as they were bunk beds. That would mean you jump and either bonk your head on the top bunk or on the ceiling.

So, Mum and Dad's bed was the bed of choice for jumping. Dad was pretty particular about his bedtime routine. 10pm = bedtime. Anyone or anything getting in the way of bedtime was to be identified and destroyed. So picture Anthony and I jumping on Dad's bed at 10pm. Dad said "stop jumping on the bed". We did not stop jumping on the bed. Dad said nothing else. He merely unbuckled his belt. Now, a man unbuckles his belt when he takes off his pants. However, Anthony and I perceived this to be a threat. HALT! Then, RUN! Would have Dad hit us with his belt? Highly unlikely. However, Dad was Clint, before I knew who Clint was.

Skip ahead until I was about 20, and I somehow ended up in an unfortunate situation where a young lady threatened me with a cleaver, as she thought I had the hots for her boyfriend. When someone shows up at the door with a cleaver, the next words out of your mouth better be the right ones. Apparently I did all right, as she did not cleaver me to death. She didn't even chop off a pinky. But I'll tell you, THAT threat was worth losing sleep over!

As I grew older and matured, I realized there are very few threats worth anything more than a raised eyebrow, or maybe just a yawn.

Mum made a veiled threat to comply OR ELSE.....

Dad made a veiled threat to get the heck off the bed OR ELSE.....

Missy with the cleaver made a threat to get away from her man OR ELSE....

Besides Mums and Dads trying to keep their rampant children from destroying the world, most people who make threats are actually feeling powerless and fearful, or are trying to control a situation that just isn't going their way.

Just as an FYI, when push comes to shove, expect this blue-eyed blondie to crinkle her eyes like Clint, and utter quietly,

"Go ahead, make my day."

Happy, Happy, Happy

I like to summarize stuff. 

When people tell me long-winded stories, I like to summarize at the end of their x-minute-long diatribes by saying something wise like..."...so, you are unhappy, hunh?....", to which the typical response is another x-minute-long diatribe. I use the term "diatribe" because most people like to complain about things to me. It is a rare (actually, non-existent) occasion that someone comes in to my office, or in to my home, to expound on their great happiness. 

I think people are either very unhappy, or just like to complain. Or some combination of the two.

I, however, an an optimist. Even during the most dismal, trying life events, I try to look a the bright side. Not others....

The five things that people are MOST LIKELY TO BE UNHAPPY ABOUT, are their:
1) weight
2) spouse 
3) job
4) money situation
5) children's behaviors

I have a unique way of viewing the world on these hot-topics. I decided long ago that I could look at my life situation as a bowl of pits, or a bowl of cherries with a few itty-bitty pits in it. Spit out the pits, or swallow them whole and you never even know they were there!

Here are my views on the top 5 hot topics.

My Weight - OK, so I am not skinny. Even when I exercised myself near to death and starved myself near to death, skinny was not achievable. What's funny is that I have nice friends and lovely family regardless of what the scale says. When my pants get tight, I eat less. When my pants are loose, I eat more. Besides that, you mention my weight to me, I am likely poke you in the eye and walk away.

My Spouse - My spouse (NEW! since June 22. 2013!) is amazing. He is not perfect. I don't care. 

My Job - my job is amazingly weird. I have no words to explain how I feel about it. It is soooo---ooooo weird, it has to be a good thing, right? 

My Money Situation - The last time I made a salary of this itty-bitty-ness was in 1997 when I was a senior software engineer and 28 years old. HOWEVER!....I now live in an amazing location, with an amazing man, surrounded by family and friends. If I had all the money in the world, it could not buy what I have.

Children's Behaviours - Fortunately or unfortunately, I do not have children. I have puppies. They barf on me, eat their own poop and random Christmas ornaments, and cry in their sleep while they are dreaming of bigger, badder dogs chasing them. No way I could complain about them as they are the some of the cutest most adorable beings I have ever seen. 

If you are self-aware enough to realize when you begin to complain about your life, stop, take a breath, and then call or email me, and I will list off for you all of your blessings, so you are reminded of your cherries, not just your pits.

Happy New Year, Ladies & Gents. 

Emphasis on HAPPY!