Weddings - RUN!!!!

I went to a wedding a few weeks ago,. My good friends Kathy and Terry got married in St. Andrews, NB. They have been together about 17-18 years (I have lost count!), which means, although Kathy is the one that started out as my friend, I now consider them both my friends after that many years.

So much so, that last fall when we needed some repairs done to our gigantic garage, that we offered the job to Terry, even though he and Kathy live above 3.5 hours away. Terry lived with us for the few weeks it took to get the job done.

Part of the family, really.

So, I usually like to contrast how things in the city are soooooooo much different than in the country. However, I now realize there is one thing that is exactly the same whether in the city or the country.

And that would be WEDDINGS. 

It is my fate in life to be in awkward wedding situations that I have no idea how to get myself out of.

I went to a wedding in a barn in St Catherines, Ontario where I got to chatting with a local "farmer" who I eventually realized was a weed farmer who tried to sell me said product outside the north side of the barn where the wedding took place.

I went to a wedding in Waterloo, Ontario, where the one of the ushers, who was also my boyfriend at the time, confessed he had been making out with one of the bridesmaids the previous night. I got back at him, though, although I didn't realize it until the next day. Apparently the 12-year old boy (I was 24 at the time) who kept asking me to dance that night had his hand on my ass all night. People were appalled at that, although I didn't notice at the time, probably because I had drowned my sorrows in multiple glasses of red wine.

Speaking of 12-year olds, Kathy and Terry's wedding that I went to might have scarred me for life. I love Kathy and Terry to death, but they had me seated at the reception next to a couple about my age who have young  children. Missy wanted to tell me her whole life story since the last time I saw her 25 years ago. The part that scarred me was when she told me she has a 12-year old son, ... and he is underdeveloped compared to others his age. No trauma, yet, right? She went on to tell her son's friend has been sexually active since he was 10, and she is pretty sure he own son can't even get a hard on. 

Ears bleeding. Ears bleeding. Ears bleeding. Ears bleeding.

The next wedding I get invited to, I am going to send an AMAZING present and pretend to have the plague. 

Happy Endings

There is something very different about doing business in a small town than in the city. Last week I was in the big city of Fredericton (population 56,000) and I decided I should replace a pair of shoes that Danger and/or Daisy ate. 

I went into a shoe store with the sole intention (pun intended!) of finding black, flat, patent-leather shoes. The young lady working in the store asked if she could help me, and I asked for black, flat, patent-leather shoes. She said, "You are out of luck, we don't have any", and then wandered away.

I was somewhat disappointed, but I thought, "what the heck, I AM IN A SHOE STORE! We don't even have a shoe store in Perth! Woo-whoo!"

I wandered down the first aisle, and there was a pair of black, flat, patent-leather shoes. And then another. And another. And another, with a little splash of leopard print. So I pick up the snazzy black, flat, patent-leather shoes with the leopard print (40% off, no less!) and go to the cash register. And wait. And wait. And wait. 

I begin fantasizing  about walking out with the shoes to see if young lady even notices. I don't think she COULD notice, since she was no-where to be seen. I figured that surely before the police arrest me, I could make them look at the surveillance video that shoes I TRIED to pay! Then I imagined walking around to the cash register and madly pressing keys until an alarm went off or the cash draw popped open. I am not sure what I would do if it did pop open, but hey, this is a fantasy!

So, I ended up walking out. No shoes for me! *NOT* a shopping happy ending!

Now let's take a look at what shopping is like in Perth-Andover.

A few months ago, I went in to Patti's Gift Shop. It was a hot summer day, but I spied some tights that were only $5, regular price! A few days later, I realize maybe I should get a few more pairs of tights. I get on Facebook, write a note to Patti, but alas, there are no more tights! About a month later, a note comes into my Facebook account saying a new batch of tights are in. SERIOUSLY? I couldn't beg the shoe girl to take my money, and Patti remembers a month later I really wanted some tights. A P-A shopping happy ending!

This summer, Greg and I decide to go to Quebec to get some cheap beer. That's not illegal is it? If it is, can you please NOT tell the cops on me? (Thanks). Before heading down the highway, we stop by Kendall Nissen's store for a sub. He has great spices, nuts, organic food, and amazing cheeses. Anyway, Greg says, "Hey, you want some beer from Quebec"? Kendall says "Sure". Three hours later, we drop off some beer to Kendall, get the money.... Reselling beer isn't illegal is it? If it is, can you please NOT tell the cops on me? (Thanks). The best part is, as a thanks, he gave us some wonderful cheeses, smoked salmon and crackers. It's easy to be loyal to a shopkeeper like that. Another P-A shopping happy ending! 

Two weeks ago, I took my car to the shop to get new winter tires. I didn't know this until recently, but people around here put STUDS on their tires. They sounds like thousands of tiny metal horseshoes clip-clopping on the ground, and they keep a car from sliding all over an icy road. I am pretty sure they don't have THOSE in the city. At the end of my transaction, the lady working at the counter gave me a 2014 calendar with a car on the front. I open it up, and my innocent eyes could not BELIEVE what I saw! Inside the car calendar was a SECRET calendar. IT HAD NAKED MEN! 12 OF 'EM!!!! NAKED! I  will bet you that no garage in the city will give the lady customers free pornographic material. NOW THAT'S A SHOPPING HAPPY ENDING!!!! 

PS I hope there is a "Business of the Year" contest in P-A, I know who I am voting for!

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

I have no idea what "winner winner chicken dinner" means, but it is really catchy and makes me smile when I hear it. So, why not make that the title of this blog entry?

I have never even won a chicken dinner. 

But I did win 3 things in my life, and I won all 3 of them at different stages of my life in P-A.

When I was in grade 2 at Andover Elementary School, it was safety week, and we were all tasked with drawing an illustration of what "safety at school" meant to us. I was 7 years old, but was astounded that I won $2 for my picture. $2 could buy 8 bags of chips, or 4 bags of chips and 4 bottles of pop. Wowsers! 

The reason I was astounded that I won the contest is because I can't draw, and what I did draw made no sense. I drew a stick-child under a bus. The contest judges must have figured it had some deep significant meaning. However, when I looked at it after I had won the contest, even I could not figure out whether I meant:
a) don't nap under buses, 
b) don't terrorize your bus driver to the point he wants to run over you, or
b) don't hurl yourself under a bus if you really, really hate school. It would probably traumatize the bus driver. 

The second thing I won was when I graduated from Southern Victoria High School. Right after graduation, we had "Safe Grad", and alcohol-free party at Loring Air Force Base in Maine. After a full night of dancing, bowling and going into the hot tub fully clothed, we returned to the school and prizes were given out. I won the girls bike, Darren McQuade (how do I remember this?!?!?) won the boys bike. As my picture for the local newspaper was being taken, I was quite worried that the flash on the camera was going to show that I did not have any under-roos on. After I went into the hot tub with my clothes on, I decided my under-roos were uncomfortable, so I took them off. Somehow during the night the wet clothes I was wearing dried out. Not sure why the 'roos did not. Anyway. I was 17. 

The third thing I won happened last Saturday night. I won our local Perth-Andover Firemen's Lottery. $6121!!!! That will buy 3,008 bags of chips or 1400 bags of chips and 1208 bottles of pop. Wowsers!